A Mindless Post
yes haha... the title says it all... this is a mindless post (read: brainless, thoughtless, effortless, boliao-ful)
by the way i'm writing all these 'live' from n.u.s... hahaha... waiting for my dear fren to deliver me to the promised land of lunch after her tutorial...
so yupz... i'm juz boliao u noe boliao... no mood to do tut, no mood to read anything... juz wanna sit around and wellz... stare into blank space? nah... otherwise i wouldn't be blogging here... as i've said in the very first post of this blog back in august 2004, this is a crapping avenue for me... ok u can call it crapping drive, crapping road... heck even crapping hill... but i've decided to call it crapping avenue... no postal code by the way as it is but just a mental image of my dull mind...
maybe boliaoness is just one of the reasons y i'm mindless now... trying to regain some rationality up there... haha... i dunno if u understand my preoccupation but i always feel very disturbed when frenz come to me with their problems and expect a sudden jolt from me to perhaps salvage them from the edge of the cliff... y? coz according to many of my best buds, i'm always very rational and therefore able to come up with a good solution or piece of advice without over-engaging in the emotional side of it... i feel very pressurised really... mainly becoz i have no idea if i'm really like that or i'm pretending to be like that or worse still i'm neither like that nor pretending to be like that but people just view me as being like that... yay juz put in some skills from my gem (intro to lit) lecture this morning... that was as close as i could have gotten in this mindless post to an alliteration...
ok back to the topic... well i dun understand y my frenz have so much faith in my rationality when i myself prefer to go with what my heart tells me most of the time... i believe the battle between the heart and the brain is something that can never be resolved much less thoroughly discussed over a cup of kopi... if u decide to go with ur brain, u may live a life of regret... if u decide to go with ur heart, well... u too r staking quite a lot... maybe my ability to attempt to analyse such a complex issue if it can even be called an analysis provoked my frenz to give a conclusion regarding my inner mind... seriously i think the stuff in the skull of mine is in a big mess... i often have thoughts flashing back and forth... contradictory thoughts, transient thoughts and thoughts which i call brain worms... brain worms are thoughts which however hard i try to get rid off just refuse to bug off... well yeah WORMS dun BUG off... ok there i go again... hmm...
to be frank, i'm just a pot calling the kettle(s) black... i don't always practise what i preach... i mean i always try (not always my best) to but i'm human after all... if u have problems, feel free to come to me... i dun always give good advice anyway... haha... sometimes it's juz the irritating 'uh huh' or 'ok i understand'
well when i say i understand, i really do~! juz dun have so much faith in me please... when the faith is too high and i can't deliver, i may juz implode... haha...
like a recent very personal problem that i'm faced with... i'm sure my best/good frenz will noe wad i'm talking about... cannot forget means cannot forget... no amount of psychoing will change my mind if my subconscious is resisting it... reality hits me like a baseball bat on the head every day, every waking moment... i can't escape reality... it'll simply chase after me and hit even harder... perhaps i'll simply stand there and wait for my subconscious to harden to the beatings of reality... maybe 1 day it'll stop hitting me... better still if i can take the bat and hit a homerun... i noe though that the possibility of the baseball landing in a fielder's hands is much higher than me hitting a homerun... i guess it's a hope which i shan't hold on to mindlessly... it's but wellz... a probability in the universe which cannot be ignored... there i go justifying my actions and thoughts again... but when one can't let go of something, perhaps justification can provide some comfort... no idea... bleahz
ok enough of crap... i guess i'll be reaching the promised land of lunch soon... =p
by the way i'm writing all these 'live' from n.u.s... hahaha... waiting for my dear fren to deliver me to the promised land of lunch after her tutorial...
so yupz... i'm juz boliao u noe boliao... no mood to do tut, no mood to read anything... juz wanna sit around and wellz... stare into blank space? nah... otherwise i wouldn't be blogging here... as i've said in the very first post of this blog back in august 2004, this is a crapping avenue for me... ok u can call it crapping drive, crapping road... heck even crapping hill... but i've decided to call it crapping avenue... no postal code by the way as it is but just a mental image of my dull mind...
maybe boliaoness is just one of the reasons y i'm mindless now... trying to regain some rationality up there... haha... i dunno if u understand my preoccupation but i always feel very disturbed when frenz come to me with their problems and expect a sudden jolt from me to perhaps salvage them from the edge of the cliff... y? coz according to many of my best buds, i'm always very rational and therefore able to come up with a good solution or piece of advice without over-engaging in the emotional side of it... i feel very pressurised really... mainly becoz i have no idea if i'm really like that or i'm pretending to be like that or worse still i'm neither like that nor pretending to be like that but people just view me as being like that... yay juz put in some skills from my gem (intro to lit) lecture this morning... that was as close as i could have gotten in this mindless post to an alliteration...
ok back to the topic... well i dun understand y my frenz have so much faith in my rationality when i myself prefer to go with what my heart tells me most of the time... i believe the battle between the heart and the brain is something that can never be resolved much less thoroughly discussed over a cup of kopi... if u decide to go with ur brain, u may live a life of regret... if u decide to go with ur heart, well... u too r staking quite a lot... maybe my ability to attempt to analyse such a complex issue if it can even be called an analysis provoked my frenz to give a conclusion regarding my inner mind... seriously i think the stuff in the skull of mine is in a big mess... i often have thoughts flashing back and forth... contradictory thoughts, transient thoughts and thoughts which i call brain worms... brain worms are thoughts which however hard i try to get rid off just refuse to bug off... well yeah WORMS dun BUG off... ok there i go again... hmm...
to be frank, i'm just a pot calling the kettle(s) black... i don't always practise what i preach... i mean i always try (not always my best) to but i'm human after all... if u have problems, feel free to come to me... i dun always give good advice anyway... haha... sometimes it's juz the irritating 'uh huh' or 'ok i understand'
well when i say i understand, i really do~! juz dun have so much faith in me please... when the faith is too high and i can't deliver, i may juz implode... haha...
like a recent very personal problem that i'm faced with... i'm sure my best/good frenz will noe wad i'm talking about... cannot forget means cannot forget... no amount of psychoing will change my mind if my subconscious is resisting it... reality hits me like a baseball bat on the head every day, every waking moment... i can't escape reality... it'll simply chase after me and hit even harder... perhaps i'll simply stand there and wait for my subconscious to harden to the beatings of reality... maybe 1 day it'll stop hitting me... better still if i can take the bat and hit a homerun... i noe though that the possibility of the baseball landing in a fielder's hands is much higher than me hitting a homerun... i guess it's a hope which i shan't hold on to mindlessly... it's but wellz... a probability in the universe which cannot be ignored... there i go justifying my actions and thoughts again... but when one can't let go of something, perhaps justification can provide some comfort... no idea... bleahz
ok enough of crap... i guess i'll be reaching the promised land of lunch soon... =p
